For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize