i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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