I think I died a long time ago.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
