I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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