so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize