Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
birth control should be required to get into college
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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