I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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