in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
