someone get that fucking seahorse.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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