I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
