I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
