i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
