Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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