I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
