theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
