I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
