I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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