Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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