help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
