I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
