Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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