You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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