so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
