my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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