I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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