frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
