C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
