I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
