He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
