Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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