I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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