i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think I died a long time ago.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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