are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you will always have a special place in my vag
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
