I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
