This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
