I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
