i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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