dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
