Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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