found the other keg... it's in the tree
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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