She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
