toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
