my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
