and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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