put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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