Even the bartender felt bad for me
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
