I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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