I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize