Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize