It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
