My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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