I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
