Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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