I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
