I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize