not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
