so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
