Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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