Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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