I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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