Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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