when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
