NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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