those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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