i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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