I am in a vortex of obligation.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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