Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
