Slut skills are useful in every country.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
