I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
