Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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