Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
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