Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize