Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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