ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
