everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
