I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
