it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
