I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
