People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
