I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
