Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm at about main and main street
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
